Trust. That five-letter word that gets tossed around like confetti at a politician’s “I swear I’m not lying this time” rally. It’s the glue that holds relationships together, whether romantic, professional, or the weird limbo between “I just asked for your Wi-Fi password” and “here’s my social security number.” But in an era where catfishing is a career path, politicians redefine “truth” like it's performance art, and your best friend might be secretly selling your data to some app that guesses your dog’s breed, how the hell do you know who to trust?
Well, grab your sarcasm helmet and buckle up, because I’m about to hand you three mildly cynical—but weirdly accurate—ways to spot the real ones from the fakes. Whether you're dealing with flaky coworkers, “totally-not-a-scam” influencers, or friends who mysteriously vanish when the group check arrives, here's how to separate the ride-or-dies from the ones who'd throw you under the bus to save on Uber.
1. Watch What They Do When Nobody’s Looking (Spoiler: That’s Who They Really Are)
Let’s start with the basics: trust isn’t about what people say—it’s about what they do when it doesn’t benefit them.
Someone who only shows up when there’s an audience is not a trustworthy person. That’s a theater kid auditioning for the role of “Altruistic Human #1.” They’re the type to post about “checking on your friends” and then ghost you when your texts get a little too real. You know the type: All emotional awareness in public, but a tumbleweed in the group chat.
Want to know if you can trust someone? Give them a moment where doing the right thing is optional, unrewarded, and, ideally, invisible. Then observe.
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Does your coworker give you credit for your idea in the meeting, even when the boss isn’t watching?
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Does your friend return the $20 you accidentally left at their place, or suddenly start insisting they’ve always been into “cash-based spirituality”?
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Does your partner help clean the dishes without posting a story captioned “#KingShit #DoingMyPart”?
Because that’s the litmus test. Integrity is what you do in the dark. Unfortunately, so are creepy Google searches, anonymous trolling, and late-night texts to an ex, but I digress.
If someone only behaves decently when there's applause, congratulations: you’ve found yourself a narcissist with a PR team.
Red Flag Tip-Offs:
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Constant humble-bragging about “being there for others” (translation: I counted every single time I helped, and I expect a medal).
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They say, “I’d never tell anyone”... and then tell you a secret someone else told them.
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Their idea of loyalty is “I won’t screw you over first.”
Green Light Behaviors:
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They stand up for people who aren’t present.
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They return shopping carts. Yes, really. This is the unofficial test of moral character.
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They take responsibility when they mess up, and you don’t have to stage a courtroom drama to get it.
2. Look at How They Talk About Their Exes, Their Waiters, and Their Mom
You want a fast pass to someone’s inner moral dumpster fire? Just listen to how they talk about the people they don’t need to impress.
Sure, someone might compliment you all day long—you're charming, funny, a visionary with a skincare routine that defies logic—but what about the people they can’t gain anything from? You know, the ex-girlfriend who’s “totally crazy,” the Uber driver who was “taking forever,” or the mother who “just needs to get over herself.”
Listen closely. That’s not idle gossip. That’s a field guide to how they’ll treat you the second you inconvenience them, disappoint them, or (heaven forbid) expect emotional maturity.
Case Study 1: “All My Exes Were Psychos” Guy
Oh cool, all of them? Every single one? That’s funny, because statistically, it’s more likely that you’re the common denominator. Either this person’s an abysmal judge of character, or they’re trying to sell you on the narrative that everyone before you was defective. Trust me, give it six months. You’ll be next on the “deranged” list.
Case Study 2: “The Waitress Messed Up My Order” Diva
Look, being annoyed is human. But screaming at someone making minimum wage over pickles is not just a red flag—it’s a whole damn carnival. If someone needs to dominate people in powerless positions to feel big, they’re not trustworthy—they’re just emotionally constipated.
Case Study 3: “My Parents Don’t Support Me” Shover
Family drama is real, and sometimes painful. But if every story this person tells is about how their mom is too dramatic or their dad is such a narcissist, beware. If they can’t recognize nuance in the people who literally raised them, don’t expect them to be fair when you accidentally like someone else’s photo on Instagram.
People show their character most clearly in how they treat others when there’s nothing to gain and no one to impress. So stop falling for sweet words delivered with a condescending smile—watch who they roll their eyes at when they think you’re not paying attention.
Bonus Check:
Take them to a restaurant, mess up the tip accidentally, and watch their reaction. If they huff, berate, or act like you’ve committed financial war crimes… it’s a preview of your next disagreement.
3. Ask Yourself: Does This Person’s Version of “Trust” Look More Like Control?
Ah yes, the trickiest one of all: the people who pretend they’re trustworthy by demanding your trust in exchange for literally nothing.
You know the ones:
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“You should just believe me.”
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“Why do you always need proof?”
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“If you don’t trust me, what’s the point?”
Oh sweetie. That’s not trust. That’s gaslighting with a side of emotional blackmail.
Genuine trust is built. Slowly. Like sourdough, or government infrastructure, or a friendship that survives assembling IKEA furniture. It’s earned over time, through consistent action and vulnerability—not by demanding blind faith on day two of knowing each other.
And here’s the kicker: a trustworthy person will be okay with you needing time. They’ll understand your history. They’ll respect your caution. An untrustworthy person, on the other hand, will accuse you of “issues” for not handing over your emotional passport at the first sign of intimacy.
Here’s a simple check:
If saying “I’m not sure I’m ready to share that” makes someone lash out, push harder, or make it about them, they don’t want your trust—they want your obedience.
There’s a big difference.
Trustworthy people want to earn your belief. Manipulators want to bypass that entire process with guilt, speed, or flattery. And they’ll often use language like:
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“You’re not like the others.”
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“I just feel like we have this connection.”
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“I would never hurt you.”
Congratulations, you’ve just stumbled into a Netflix true crime documentary intro.
Trust Test Question:
Tell them no. About anything. See what happens. If they accept your boundary without punishing you, congratulations. You’ve found an adult. If they get passive-aggressive, cold, or suddenly less invested? Run. Faster than your self-esteem at a high school reunion.
Final Thoughts: Trust is a Muscle, Not a Gift Basket
Here’s the inconvenient truth no one wants to say out loud: You won’t always know who to trust right away. Sometimes you’ll bet on the wrong horse, fall for the pretty lies, and hand your emotional keys to someone who couldn’t find your heart with a GPS.
But that’s okay.
Because learning who to trust isn’t just about spotting the bad apples—it’s about growing your ability to listen to your gut, interpret red flags as actual warnings (not sexy challenges), and act on reality instead of wishful thinking.
So let’s wrap this up, shall we?
TL;DR Snark Recap:
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If someone only does good things when people are watching? You’re not dealing with a person. You’re dealing with a PR campaign in a human suit.
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If they treat powerless people like crap? That’s your future when you’re vulnerable. Spoiler: It won’t be pretty.
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If their version of “trust” looks like “submit or else”? That’s not love. That’s a hostage negotiation without the FBI.
Trust is too valuable to throw at people just because they smile pretty or text back fast. Pay attention to patterns, not promises. Look at who they are in the cracks of life—not just on the highlight reel.
And remember: someone who is truly trustworthy will never make you feel like trusting them is a test you’re failing.
You’re not crazy. You’re not paranoid. You’re just finally paying attention.
Now go out there and trust wisely—but for God’s sake, don’t trust anyone who still says “no cap.”